Enter Myself, Stubby, Neon, and Cat. In a hallway.
Myself:
I would… but I don`t have a phone.
Stubby:
A phone, great tits or an awesomely tasting dick!
Myself:
Yes I do!
Stubby:
Nope.
Myself:
Awesomely tasting semen?
Stubby:
I suppose…
Cat:
What the hell?
Starts drinking from a water bottle.
Myself:
LIKE POP TARTS!
Cat:
Snarfs.
You guys are gonna kill me.
Later.
Stranger #1:
Can I put my head on this?
Stranger #2:
Sure.
Myself and Stubby:
NO! IT’S A TRAP!
Even Later.
Myself:
I’m so thirsty. GIVE ME JUICE!
Stubby:
NO! Fight to the death!
Starts sleeping.
Myself:
Fight to the nap!
Tries to take juice.
Stubby:
AH-HA! It was a trick!
Myself:
JUUUUUUICE!
Stubby:
Fine, here.
Myself:
No, Seriously. I have run out of things to say… You guys are my inspiration…I can’t be funy without you being funny, so pick up the pace.
Just thought you should know.
Myself: Aside.
Every once in a while Stubby is the strange one in our little trio. No telling when this day will come… But it’s generally pretty hilarious.
Also, one of our little inside jokes that developped is that, seeing as Stubby is forever alone, he was dating a chair in Neon Hoodie’s basement. We named her Susan. The chair got jumped on and started to lean…. Her name then became Eileen.
Enter Myself, Stubby and Neon. In Neon’s basement.
Stubby sits on Eileen, Neon takes the futon and I take the bed. We start playing video games.
Myself:
AGGGGHHGHH! NOOOOOOO!
Neon:
Jump! Left! No your other left!
Myself:
Shit! SHIT! SHIIIIT!!
Stubby: Wandering in the background trying to choose snacks.
If you value your balls, eat cottage cheese!
Myself: Pauses video game. Turns around.
Dude? The Fuck?
Starts laughing.
Stubby:
What?
Myself:
Seriously?
Later.
Myself and Neon are playing video games. Stubby sits down on Eileen. Eilen keels over.
Stubby:
HEEEELP! Eileen is trying to kill me! AGGGHH!
Myself:
One sec.
Round finishes. I look back.
What the fuck man?
Stubby:
Eileen is trying to murder me!
Neon:
…. You killed my chair.
Stubby: Starts waving his arms and legs.
Chasing cars! Chasing Cars!
Neon:
What are you doing?
Stubby:
Guys, we need to give Eileen a Viking funeral!
Myself:
What, in the back yard?
Stubby:
Yes!
Neon:
In MY backyard?
Stubby:
OF COURSE!
Just thought I should warn you.
Myself: Aside
I have neglected this for a while… I have decided to resume chronicling though. Starting tomorrow.
Just thought you should be warned.
thestarsthrewdowntheirspears:
We were sitting in a booth at IHOP,
Eating breakfast for dinner, talking, the usual small talk on a first date.
We’d emailed and talked on the phone before,
So I thought I knew her well enough to trust
The tingles beginning to stir inside my body.
Then she dropped the bomb that turned the tingles into cold shivers, and obliterated any Spark that could have flared up into the full-fledged flame and fire of lust, let alone love, Inside me.
She said, “I don’t understand how you can convey feelings of love
Without being able to look into someone else’s eyes.”
Read More
(Source: book-of-matches)
